Growing up in Utah I've always been the quiet, nice one. Everyone always mentioned how I didn't say much, but that I was a nice person. At my jobs I was often commended on being so efficient and such a good worker. Many times my supervisor would compare me to workers they'd had in the past and say how I "really had it" and that they would like it if I could stay with them forever. One employer liked me so much he said I should drop out of school and work with them full-time (I'm not sure how serious he was). My teachers always complimented my work and told me what a good student I was. Then I moved to Texas.
I now have a former best friend/roommate who will not even talk to me anymore. I have tried on several occassions to mend our troubles, but she has refused point-blank to even consider associating with me ever again. This is a girl that I had been friends with for over a decade and within a matter of months now no longer considers me worth her time.
I got a job as a secretary. My co-workers complained about me not doing a good job, of being lazy. I was written up and given a "trial period" in which to prove myself or I'd lose my job. My fellow secretaries would not give me work to do and when they did would explain it to me as if I was stupid. This seemed to be a common conception around the work place that my intelligence was to be found wanting and my work below par.
Last semester I did a case study on a local museum. This was a critique based upon my experiences of visiting the museum, taking a tour with a school group, interviewing the curator, and attending one of their lecture series. I was less than impressed with the curator who also seemed to think I was an idiot, but as she requested to see my paper before I handed it in (to make sure I didn't "misrepresent" her or her museum), I refrained from saying anything negative and was, according to my professor, entirely too generous in my assessment. I forwarded the paper to the lady as she requested, and received back corrections to my grammar and punctuation. That's it. "It's" instead of "its," "than" instead of "then," that sort of thing. One semester later I am interviewing with a completely different museum for the possibility of conducting my practicum there. The interview is going well when the director brings up an experience her fellow museum manager had with a student last semester. Apparently this student wrote an extremely offensive and one sided paper in which she made "scathing remarks" regarded the establishment and the exhibits. This student, she claims, did not bother to ask for clarification on any subject but rather invented all sorts of cruel lies about the establishment. Robyn (the museum lady) now refused to even consider working with another student again because this was such a traumatizing experience in which her trust was betrayed and now this paper was out "in the public" for all to see. This was my paper. I explained this to the new lady and she agreed to still let me come this summer. I then went home and reviewed my paper and, finding it lacking any offensive material, forwarded a copy to the lady and asked her if this was in fact the paper to which she was refering as I was no longer convinced after re-reading it. She said that it was the paper and that she looked forward to beginning a discussion on my writing style and the manner in which I offend people (as she was amazed that I failed to see what was so 'scathing' about it). She also proceeded to say that she did not appreciate emails and would I please refrain in the future. Shocked and taken aback I did. Until three weeks later when I had some questions about the project. She had emailed me with several concerns about my methods and the prospect of me offending and alienating their small clientele. When I explained that I was there to do what she wanted and that everything would be cleared first and that I wouldn't do anything she didn't approve of, she answered me by saying that a staffing problem had come up and they would be unable to devote to me the amount of time I would need for my project. Good luck, and good riddance...
Apparently I have also offended some of my friends as well as their family, who no longer even speak to me in church. So apparently I'm a jerk....or maybe it's Texas?!?!
Thursday, May 12, 2005
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8 comments:
I think the thing is that you're quiet. I think that here people expect you to speak up and defend yourself or spew platitudes or something and you just don't say anything, which people take as an admission of guilt, or something. At work, the guy I work with all day long is really quiet, and most of the time I just ignore him, and I don't really like him, but sometimes I try to talk to him and he might just give me an brief acknowledgement or not say anything and then in my head I get all offended and sit there stewing about how he thinks he's so much better than me or what a rude jerk he is. I will even mentally pick apart all of his work and everything he does and I start thinking he must be dumb and that's why he never talks. And then about every other week, he'll tell me a joke, or ask for work advice, or tell me about something he's thinking about and all of the sudden I don't think he's a jerk anymore and his work is fine. And then by the end of another week when I try to start a conversation or I offer him some helpful advice because I see that he's doing soemthing wrong or something, and he says a brief, "ok." and that's it, no more feed back or anything, I'm back to thinking he's a jerk. If he even said, I don't like to talk in the mornings, or I have a headache, or bugger off, I know what I'm doing, then I would be fine. But I just really don't get in feedback from him. Maybe that's the same thing causing your problems. Or maybe not. It could be that I'm a freak and don't know what I'm talking about. :) I still love you! But not that jerk at work! I'd really like to read that paper, though. I want to see if it is scathing or not. They could just be uber-sensitive.
wow. that was really long.
Ooh, I want to read the report of scathing doom! I think the problem is simple enough. You're smart. You're young and pretty. You're vaguely aloof. They're jealous. They superimpose their own idea of your actions in a negative light because they subconsciously know that you are better than they. When you were younger, these attributes made come across as "potential". But, in your adult, and thus career, life, there will always be people who will see these attributes as arrogance or even as threatening...sometimes through no overt action of your own. I know, it's not fair, but don't worry, your kind always succeeds in the end. :)
My kind? That's very nice of you Josh, but I'm not sure that I think that's the real reason...maybe I really am offensive and don't realize it. I don't have many social skills and maybe people are finally starting to call me on it. *shrug*
Yeah, Occam's Razor advised me that you were probably inadvertantly offensive...but I like my idea better. You're brilliant and people don't get you. Since the real solution is probably complex, this answer is as valid as any other simple one. I like, and I'm sticking to it. :)
Does that mean that people also "don't get me?" Because people are ALWAYS getting mad at me for NO apparent reason.
And for all the readers out there, the paper is not, I repeat, NOT scathing. It is objective.
you can delete it you know. I think I would. It's disturbing. And when I read "what the crap," I actually hear it in your voice. That's a little disturbing, too.
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