Why I'm a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM)

I’ve often told people how I never planned to be a SAHM and have always planned to work. I believe this decision was greatly influenced both by my mother who worked our entire lives and by my patriarchal blessing which admonishes me to: “Continue to seek an education that you may be able to gain for yourself a source of livelihood that will be helpful to you as you raise a family. You will have the financial ability to help sustain the family as they grow and you will be able to help supply their needs as they progress here upon the earth.”

When Patrick and I were dating he asked me if I would be willing to support him if he stayed at home. I told him that if that was his plan he better tell me now because I did not want to be in that sort of position. My dad stayed home with us while my mom worked, and though I now realize it was a blessing to be able to have at least one parent at home I still have had a very hard time respecting my dad for his apparent laziness and willingness to live off of his wife’s hard work. I then asked if Patrick would be willing to support me if I stayed at home. He said of course. I told him I would probably be bored out of my mind and he said that ‘children are never boring.’

Fast forward a couple of years. I am nearing the end of my master’s degree and pregnant. The plan was that I would finish school a month before the baby. I would then nurse for about 7-8 months before returning to the workforce. Well, those seven months came and went. I felt like the baby needed to nurse longer and it would be difficult if I was working. I also didn’t find any interesting jobs online or in the paper that I felt would be worth the hassle of daycare. I had read several articles about how many two income families would actually be making more money if one of the parents were to stay at home and watch the children rather than paying for daycare.

When we were visiting some of Patrick’s armour associates in Chicago we stayed at this one couple’s home. They had a three year old and three month old. Both parents worked and the children were in daycare. This was because the wife could not stand to be home all day alone with the babies, not because they were in dire financial straits. I could totally understand her point of view, but as I observed their family interactions it kind of soured me on the idea of the whole daycare/work thing. They would get their kids up at 6am, feed them and get their bags ready for the day. They dropped them at the daycare by 7:30am so they could make it to work by 8. The children were picked up around 6pm, fed dinner, allowed about and hour of play/family time and then put to bed by 8pm. Making it a grand total of three waking hours the parents actually spent with their children. I thought this was deplorable. I didn’t see how the children could be at all influenced by their parents when they never saw them. So seeing this situation also put me off of going back to work for a while.

I finally stopped nursing when Isabelle was 14 months old. Two months later I was pregnant. I didn’t see the point of getting a job when I was pregnant as I’d just have to quit (most likely) a few months later. I didn’t see that anyone would want to hire a pregnant lady knowing that they’d only get me for a few months. Plus all the jobs I was looking at had some lifting and stair walking and driving all over, which I wouldn’t want to do while pregnant. Then I had the baby…and now I’m nursing and can’t leave. See it’s a vicious cycle.

So now I’m a SAHM. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing as one. I don’t really like playing with my kids and they, well Isabelle at least, spend most of the day in front of the television while I do my best to ignore them while still providing for their needs. This is why I think they’d be better off in daycare sometimes. In daycare they’d have structured activities including learning time, which they don’t have here. They’d also get a chance to interact with other kids their age, which Isabelle loves to do. But I’ve heard how expensive daycare is and I’ve never seen a job that I qualify for that I might actually enjoy while paying enough to put the kids in daycare. So I’m thinking that maybe when they start school or something I’ll either get a cool job or possibly work on my PhD and be a college professor. That may be cool ‘cuz I’d get summers and holidays off and it wouldn’t be a 9-5 all day job since I’d probably only have a couple of classes I taught so I could still be home for the kids. I’m just hoping my blessing didn’t mean that something horrible is going to happen to Patrick and I’ll have to support the family. I’m leaning towards not as it says I will help supply their needs, implying that someone else will be doing this as well.

So I guess I’m a SAHM because I haven’t found the right job to take me away from my family and because I’m too lazy to look too hard for one…and daycare is expensive….oh yeah and the prophet said my children would benefit from it. I really admire those women who love to be SAHM’s and look forward to the day when they can just have babies and revel in their company. I am not one of those people and I don’t know if I ever will be. But in the mean time I do try to be a good mother even though I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing most of the time having no example but my father to fall back on….and his was not an example one should strive to emulate. So I guess I try to read the blogs of other SAHM’s and listen closely to the other women at church to hear what I should be doing and fight against my instinct to ignore them and do my own thing all day. So any of you SAHM’s whose blog I read, feel free to post about how your day goes to give me a better idea of what a typical SAHM does with her time. :) Hope that answers your question Tammy.